Image by Robin Higgins from Pixabay
We’ve all had that narcissistic boss who plays favorites, who sends passive aggressive emails, or who forbids anyone from taking time off. We’ve all had that nosy, antagonistic, or lazy co-worker who relieves us late and does not even have an excuse. We’ve all been there; or, otherwise, movies like Office Space and shows like The Office would not resonate the way it does.
Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson and Working with Difficult People by Amy Cooper Hakim are two of many books on workplace conflict resolutions. A relatively new book addresses the topic from a fresh perspective.
How to Work with Complicated People by Ryan Leak changes the “difficult” to “complicated.” Leak, an executive coach and transformational speaker, concedes that complicated people in workplaces result in business losses. Complicated people can result in “lower morale, eroded unity and trust, lower job satisfaction.”
In spite of this, Leak does not advise trying to change or reform complicated people. Instead, he argues there are certain techniques that will allow us to deal with such people effectively. Learning how to deal with complicated people can lead to great self-awareness, and, in that way, it is a gift.
He admits that he is himself a “complicated” person and that most of us are too. He writes we are all “weird, odd, irritating or baffling to someone else.”
Avoiding complicated or problematic people rarely ends well. Changing them or trying to cancel them also does not work in our favor. So that leaves only one option left — understanding them.
Though no one should tolerate a toxic situation, Leak insists that improving strained relationships will make everyone like their job more. Complicated people also serve a purpose — they bring a unique perspective.
No one has to accept workplace abuse, yet they should make generous assumptions about their coworkers and bosses. That irritating colleague who is late may actually have a valid reason for their tardiness.
Those who seem off-putting due to their differences can actually bring value. Diverse viewpoints add value because the last we need is “groupthink” or forced consensus. He urges employees to bring healthy collaboration to the table. Having a collaborative mind will help build bridges rather than silos.
The best chapter is the last one. If all techniques fail, he urges forgiveness rather than bitterness. Even if its justified, bitterness should have an “expiration date” because ultimately hostile feelings keep us prisoner to our emotions.